David and Goliath

A Poem

Dawn broke with a bright
Clash,

Breaking the design.

I knew it would never work but decided to give it a

Bash

Patrice always said:

“Enjoy life and have a dash of everything!”

Unsurprisingly, it came like a loud and sudden
Smash

I was in prison, locked up in chains,
my shirt was covered in
Stains

Which reminds me!
She always said:

“These boys are so hot, but most of them are pains.”

She was right. The amendments could wash out the stains.
But he said he wasn’t sorry.

Sorry?
Sorry, sorry, sorry.

He never meant it.
He                              continued.
and all I did was ignore him.

Then again, she said

“Ignore all the negativity!”

“Practice!”

The design was superb! A giant lattice.

Lattice. Woven. Circular.

Patrice always used to say that the circle of life never mattered.
“What matters is what you do when you are alive!”

[What do you think, class? I’ve edited it slightly from our rough version; mainly adding punctuation and cohesive elements. I’m interested in hearing your thoughts! I’m particularly interested in the interplay between fracture and wholeness and how diction contributes to this sensation. It is especially interesting when you think that we made this poem out of parts, so it is, in itself, a whole made out of fractured bits. How does the title affect the poem? Does it add a layer of covert meaning? An example of the iceberg effect? Let me know in the comments!]

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6 Comments

  1. The punctuation really makes poem flow and seem cohesive. Strangely it seems to match the title but it’s not the cliché “David and Goliath” format. It’s quite a deep poem and the punctuation makes a big difference. Some sense has been made of our “bits”.

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  2. You can definitely see (hear) that it is a poem, due to the way it flows. It flows in a smooth manner, with a lot of matching words. This poem is somewhat rhythmical, because of the inter-locking words, like “Chains, Stains”… I also find that the poem is informative in a, perhaps, secretive way – because it gives you a lot of information, but you don’t notice that because of the way it is being read. It gives me a smile that heads turn for.

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    1. Good Jess! I like how you’ve termed the rhyme as an “interlocking” feature. Don’t you think that makes the gradual breakdown of the rhyme quite important? For example, does it symbolise a kind of disintegration?

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